


irrational

by humanbehavior



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Fear of Death, Gen, Inner Dialogue, Mental Instability, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 11:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18072395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanbehavior/pseuds/humanbehavior
Summary: john has irrational fears.(vent fic btw!)





	irrational

**Author's Note:**

> john sowwy im just sad all the time nd need a therapist but im poor *whip*

the sound of the old AC, along with the muffled yelling through the thin walls of his room was all he heard. or more so, what he wanted to hear. he didn't want to hear the yelling of his mom telling his siblings off, knowing he's next. it was nearly one in the morning, how did she even have the energy to keep yelling about every little thing. then john remembered, everything he messed up today. he walked too fast, he spoke too softly, he did everything wrong. john sighed, looking up at the ceiling. the old paint peeling, slowly coming off one chunk at a time. focusing on things like things as insignificant as peeling paint, or the scratching from inside the walls, or even the creaky old AC that he got paranoid about, helped numb the pain. the pain from his mother telling him everything he did wrong, the things he didn't do that should've been common sense, and literally anything john did do. john looked at the clock for maybe the tenth time that night. one fifteen, the clock read. only fifteen minutes. john brung his knees up to his chin where he rested his head on. john didn't know why he kept thinking-   
she was right, thinking wasn't good for him. 

hot tears, slowly filled his eyes, spilling out.   
"fuck," john rubbed his eyes quickly. why was he crying? there's no reason for him to be crying, he was fine. at least, psychically. 

loud scratching came from inside his walls, causing his eyes to fill with more tears. _fuck, times up, times up, times up. imgonnadieimgonnadieimgonnadieimgonnadieimgonnadieimgonnadieimgonna-_

you wanted this, though? his subconscious said, you've always wanted to, you wished so, so badly and now the time comes and you want to live? huh, you really are just a sad coward aren't you? 

"i'm not a coward." john said.

liar, his subconscious had spat.

"not a liar, either."

oh really? you lie all the time, 'i'm not sad, i'm happy, yes i took my pills today' blah, blah, blah. all you do is lie, john, his subconscious told him. 

john shook his head, covering his ears. these were lies, right? to get into his head? he couldn't, _wouldn't_ listen. it was his subconscious, he could stop these thoughts right? right? 

these irrational fears. he was dumb, irrational for being scared of his own thoughts right? correct. he was, dumb for being scared of things like that. the scratches from the wall, the old AC, his mom, and even his own thoughts. irrational fears.

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh?????? abrupt ending yea! also don't ask me to make this chaptered or i will kill you


End file.
